YOU NEVER WRITE, YOU NEVER CALL – Missing Rory (Alexis Bledel), Lorelai (Lauren Graham) tries to call her and is upset to find that Rory's cell phone is no longer in service. Sookie (Melissa McCarthy) asks Lorelai and Rory to be the godparents to her two children in the hope that they will reconcile when they see each other at the ceremony.
However, mother and daughter end up fighting because Lorelai thinks that Rory gave her new cell number to Sookie but not to her. Logan (Matt Czuchry) learns that his father expects him to graduate this year and enter the family business. Wanting to break free from family pressures, Logan whisks Rory off to a weekend in New York.
- Lauren Graham as Lorelai Gilmore
- Alexis Bledel as Rory Gilmore
- Melissa McCarthy as Sookie St. James
- Keiko Agena as Lane Kim
- Yanic Truesdale as Michel Gerard
- Sean Gunn as Kirk Gleason
- Matt Czuchry as Logan Huntzberger
- and Kelly Bishop as Emily Gilmore
Special Guest Star
- Jackson Douglas as Jackson Belleville
- Todd Lowe as Zack Van Gerbig
- John Cabrera as Brian Fuller
- Jim Jansen as Reverend Archie Skinner
- The Clash
- John Vanderslice
- Foggy Mountain Boys
- The Smiths
- The Dandy Warhols
- The Brian Jonestown Massacre
- The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
- Revolution from Within
- The Rigveda
- The Bible
- Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
- Riding the Bus with My Sister
- Prizzi's Honor
- Risky Business
- Mad Hot Ballroom
- The Godfather
- The Lost Weekend
- The Outlaw Josey Wales
- Meet Me in St Louis
- My Fair Lady
- The Accidental Tourist
- Lorelai – The DVDs won't have the commercials on them, the original commercials, which is half the fun. Spuds MacKenzie, Clara Peller, "Nothing comes between me and my Calvins." I mean, they don't make them like that anymore.
- Lorelai – Oh, The History of Paper. A documentary by Ted Burns. Distant relative of Ken Burns.
- Emily – I've got that mixer for the girls I'm hosting tomorrow with the curators of the Gilbert Stuart exhibit.
- Jackson – What about the time we had to see your stuttering Cousin Odell in the worst production of Nicholas Nickleby known to man? That was like nine hours of pure hell...
- Rory – She's the one who insists I look like Clara Barton, which I'm still not sure is a compliment.
- Sookie – I overcompensate and start cracking jokes like I'm Carrot Top and I start doing funny things with props, and I hate prop comedy.
- Jackson – Remember my brother Beau?
- Lorelai – Uh, dark hair, coarse stubble, Jefferson Davis tattoo?
- Sookie – Miss Manners said you're not really engaged until you have a ring and a date.
- Sookie – She's been institutionalized. She shaved her head. She thinks she's Susan Powter.
- Lorelai – She played me like a Stradivarius.
- Zack – You got to be R2-D2 to understand that thing.
- Lane – You look good, too. I like the bangs. Very Marianne Faithfull.
- Rory – Thanks. I'm hoping Mick Jagger notices.
- Kirk – I haven't had much contact with Martha. She seems more reserved, elusive. There's a bit of Garbo in her.